Hope for when marriage gets tough
*Things are getting personal today. If you are here for more amazing DIY projects, check out some of the projects in the sidebar. If you want to read something real, stick around. This isn’t something I talk about much and is something only a handful of family and friends know. But the more I hear about the struggles others are facing, the more certain I am this story is meant to be shared.*
Yesterday was my 10 year wedding anniversary.
I know what you’re thinking. Whoa, that girl looks so young – she must have gotten married in high school!
Thank you, thank you. But no, I was 22 when we got married. My husband Mitch was 21. (He likes to say I am a cougar but I’m pretty sure an 11 month age difference doesn’t exactly qualify.)
I consider this anniversary a major accomplishment.
Sometimes marriage is easy and delightful and amazing. But sometimes it is hard. And lonely. And, yes, even miserable.
When I used to hear people say that marriage is hard work, I really didn’t get it. I would smile smugly to myself. What!? Marriage isn’t hard. They just must not be doing it right! Or maybe they married the wrong person…
Turns out I just hadn’t made it to the hard yet.
Two years ago Mitch moved out. When I was six months pregnant. Hard doesn’t begin to describe it.
There came a point when it seemed impossible to fix things and we decided to get a divorce.
But, thank God, we didn’t. Within the hour we both realized that divorce was not going to make things better. Mitch moved back in that night and one week later our son was born.
That’s hard.
Kind of seems like a weird thing to share on our anniversary. Not particularly celebratory.
But the thing is, that miserable time when we almost ruined everything is what makes this celebration so sweet. Because we know that not only did we stick together through all the delightful, fairy tale stuff. We stuck together when it would have been a thousand times easier to just give up. When it would have been so simple to say it’s just too late.
At the time, I wondered if we would ever really be happy again. Or if it would always pale in comparison to how things had been before the separation. As much as I wish that misery had never happened, I can say with one hundred percent certainty that our marriage is more full, more loving, more happy than ever before. We understand each other in a way we just didn’t before. We are honest with each other in a way we didn’t know how to be.
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This anniversary is more than just a celebration of a decade together. It is a celebration that we fought for one another and it is a reminder that the hard doesn’t last forever.
So why am I sharing this with you?
Because when my life was falling apart, all I wanted was some hope that it might not always be that way. That I wasn’t the only person alive struggling. And that divorce wasn’t the only solution.
If you know someone who could use a little encouragement, please feel free to share this on Facebook or Pinterest.
great heartfelt post- i totally agree that sometimes you just have to work hard. i sometimes have to remind myself of why i love my husband, because he is human too and can really let me down sometimes. but i do the same to him- we aren’t perfect, but we work together.
Cassie, you are so right. We both mess up but we love each other. Even though we definitely see each other at our worst.
Thank you :)
:)
Thank you for sharing this personal story. I’m so glad you and your husband reconciled.
Thanks! It was tough to share but I think important. And I am so happy that things worked out the way they did!
I’m sure this wasn’t an easy post to share, so thank you for sharing!
What a wonderful reminder that the best things in life aren’t always easy, but they’re most definitely worth fighting for. Happy Anniversary, and many, many more for you and Mitch!
Thanks Kim, you are right – it definitely wasn’t easy to share. I love how you put that – the best things in life definitely ARE worth fighting for.
Carrie, I think this continues your goal for this year of being bold. Fearless post. Thanks for sharing.
Definitely Ashley! This was for sure a bold post.
AMEN! I couldn’t agree more. It IS hard and SO worth the fight! The grass can look greener but I promise someone who really knows you and chooses to stay anyway is the best partner to have- on both sides. It’s not always the easy one, but it certainly brings sweeter rewards. Your post is wonderful. I am so excited to meet you at Haven. Thank you for sharing that because we all need to hear it, no matter where we are in our lives and relationship.
So well said Scottie. Someone who sees you at your worst and still loves you anyway is irreplaceable. Can’t wait to meet you at Haven!
Carrie, this is a lovely and meaningful post.
I’ve been married 4 years and I’m crazy about my husband but it’s good to know that when times get tough, they can get better and you can be stronger because you went though it.
Thanks Julie – you are right, you definitely can be stronger because of it. And it also took me a long time to realize that having gone through this doesn’t mean we have a bad marriage. It just means we’re human.
Thanks for sharing, Carrie. I’m so proud of you guys for sticking it out and that the better is coming after the worse. Miss you guys! Your baby is adorable! Beautiful pictures!!
Thanks Ashleigh – we miss you too!
Beautiful Carrie, thanks for sharing from the heart!
~Sarah
Thanks Sarah. Sharing from the heart is hard but it is so much more important than all the decorating projects in the world.
Your post touched my heart. It could have been written by me 23 years ago. My husband and I went through the same thing! We fought for one another as to resume loving one another. It was such a struggle with heart break and misery. Today we have been married 33 years. It was very, very hard! Even when we remained together after a brief seperation and raised the children there were many, many times that we both just shook our heads and asked why did we continue. There were many reasons why, to give the children a stable home with both Mom and Dad, money, and for the hope of one day we would find one another again. We hung in there and I can state with a heart full of gratitude that with an empty nest comes a new refreshing, very loving, but differing, relationship with my husband. As much as I love my children, and they are the JOY of our lives, that the empty nest change was/is a welcoming aspect of a long term struggle to reach this point as husband and wife. We enjoy one another and our young adult children who are thriving well. A plaque with this saying hangs in my home: “Come along and grow old with me, the best is yet to be.” It holds true!!!!
Catherine, thank you so much for sharing that encouragement! Congrats on thirty-three years! I hope to be there someday. Our relationship is certainly different than it was before the separation. There is sadness and a lack of innocence definitely. But we are also stronger because of it and we definitely cherish our marriage and our relationship with each other in a way we didn’t before. Looking forward to see what the future brings!
Wow, now that’s real and personal. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us.
Thanks Ginger – definitely personal but I’m hoping it can make a difference for someone!
A very heartfelt post. I could almost write this post myself. See after 15 years of marriage my husband and I split up and filed for divorce. 18 Months later we remarried. As much as we both wish we could have not had the misery we both know we are better off for it. We learned so much about ourselves, each other, and forgiveness. We are happier now than we ever were in the 15 years prior.
Sarah, Thanks for commenting and sharing your story. We have definitely learned a lot as well. I can’t say I am happy we went through all that we did, but I can say that our marriage is much stronger because of it. And like you, we are definitely happier now than ever before – something I didn’t think was even a possibility at the time.
Thank you for this. I got married at 20 and my hubs was 21, and it has not always been easy. I remember when I was 8 mos pregnant with our third, we just about called it quits. But then we realized that in order for divorce to work for our children we would have to work hard at making it that way, which then we realized, if we have to work hard at making a divorce successful, then why are we not working hard at making our marriage successful?? It has still been a rollercoaster, with many ups and downs but we both take our marriage vows to heart- for better or for worse, and in sickness and in health! This year we celebrate 23 years!
You are so right! I think so many people think that divorce is the easy answer but divorce with kids is plenty of work too. And nowhere near as rewarding! Congratulations on 23 years!
Thank you for being real! SO refreshing in this world. I’m glad you and Mitch were able to make things work, for you and your sweet little guy! I love the quote about the better coming after the worst. So true!
Thanks Jan Elizabeth – I am so grateful we were able to make it work too.
Awesome content and inspiration to every couple, and great job on not continuing with your divorce.
Thank you! I am so thankful that we were able to come together and make it work.